Why is forgiving so hard?

Have you ever really just felt your heart sink from the pain that another person has caused ?I know I have, and it doesn't feel nice. I can describe the feeling like someone taking a knife and stabbing your heart and twirling it in circles, is that too much ? How are we supposed to move on from this ? sometimes all we can do is cry. Forgiving the person from causing pain like this might just be the last thing on your mind right ? Well you're not alone Sis.

In scripture we know God want's us to love and forgive just as he loves and forgives us right ? but in reality I'm here to tell you, it's not that easy, it's difficult, especially if it's someone who we deeply loved who hurt us. When we get hurt we typically can go through a phase of guilt, blaming ourselves, regret, anger, or just a lot of low, sad emotions, that are completely normal for us to have and best to be released instead of bottled up, so don't be too hard on yourself during this time. You may experience the need to seek revenge on the individual who caused the pain and I'm here to tell you don't bother. God does not want us to seek revenge.

Proverbs 24:29 "Do not say " I will do to him, as he has done to me; I will pay the man back for what he has done".

revenge isn't pleasing to God. He's the one who disciplines, let God be the one to judge the person, all we need to do is pray and forgive. I remember being hurt multiple times growing up, by people who I called my friends, and betrayal by my ex- husband, which is deep, it's tough. Nobody ever said it would be easy, I honestly feel sometimes we make it harder on ourselves because we are constantly telling ourselves it's hard to forgive, but with God on our side nothing is too challenging. God knows we will experience pain in life. In the verse below it speaks volume on how we should cry out to God when we can no longer sustain ourselves.

Psalm 31:9 "Be gracious to me, Lord, because I am in distress; my eyes are worn out from my frustration, my whole being as well.

life gets rocky along the way, encouragement is needed because on some level we can all relate to being hurt, and we can all relate to the lonely isolated feeling it brings when someone we put our trust in hurts us. Our eyes become worn out from tears that won't stop falling, and our hearts continue to ache from the pain that keeps resurfacing. Luckily we have God on our side, who is faithful in delivering His promises, He is here to heal our broken hearts and heal our broken spirit. He waits for us. He's ready to love on us and secure us. As I always say, all you have to do is call on Him. Invite The Holy Spirit into your life, to deliver you and help you in this season. As you pray and ask for this healing always remember it takes time to heal, don't force yourself to get over emotions you're feeling, don't suppress them either, let them flow and ask God for strength. You have a bright future to look forward to.

I remember being hurt to my core where all I could do was cry, cry,  pray and cry some more, it's an emotional process and you are never alone. In life we go through these unfortunate emotions, but God wants us to first forgive the person who is behind causing these feelings.

Matthew 18: 21-22 " Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord how often will my brother sin against me? and I forgive him? as many as seven times ? Jesus told him, " I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

God loves forgiveness, it's apart of his grace. But let's remember that forgiveness doesn't equal to staying in an abusive toxic relationship, it simply means forgiving and letting go of the pain so you can move on and prosper in your life. If forgiving is hard for you, that's okay don't worry God always has a solution.

Prayer is Powerful

You can start by  praying for the person who hurt you. Prayer is powerful. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective as stated in scripture James 5:16. So by starting out in prayer it's opens up the doors for God to work in your life. You can speak to God as if he were a close loving friend, start by telling him how you feel about this person that has done wrong to you, you may need to really open up your heart and soul and cry out to Him. You may be so hurt that you can't even speak, it happens and I honestly feel that God can translate our cries for help, I feel like God understands our tears with no words.

Starting in prayer and truthfully asking God for help is important in the process.In Luke 6: 28 " Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you". God want's you to bless the ones who did you wrong, holding on to a grudge isn't healthy for your body. When I went through betrayal from an ex -spouse it was detrimental to me, not only did I suffer from betrayal, I also suffered from emotional and sometimes physical abuse. The healing process was hard, I relied solely on God so much just to get me through. Often days I would just burst into tears from the pain , just going through all of the feels of being lied to, taken advantage etc. etc , it was a horrible cycling story. But God was there for me, and just being able to express my feelings to Him without being judged was what I needed for my soul. Just allowing Him to sustain me, instead of venting to friends or family, I took advantage of the love that God has for me. There's nothing like His love, when you experience His grace, and an answered prayer, it's joy to your heart and spirit.

During this healing time in my life God would speak to me, and give me visions of my life, He gave me hope for a brighter future and I'll never forget. As much as the pain hurts from someone we love doing us wrong, we have to remind ourselves that God uses everything, yes EVERYTHING, to benefit us, I don't know how he does it but he does.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose".

At the end of the day, God is using this time to build character in you, there is a reason you are in this particular season in your life. I know it hurts and I know it feels like the pain just won't ever stop, or maybe it's anger at this point. May I suggest asking God for help and then allowing God to come into your heart and renew your love for this person. When you do this, God begins to work in ways you've never imagined. Trust in Him. I hope this blog reading was beneficial for you, may God continue to bless you and heal you. Here's a video on forgiveness that I created just for you soul Sista! Enjoy. 🤗

Warmly, 

-Camille Alane